The guilty feminist

I was reading Bitch for my first time and found myself in familiar territory. Issues of colorism, technologizing women’s bodies, beauty products and accessories, honor killings and several others were written about. While I find myself attracted to the discussions around these issues I also find myself in a dilemma. With feminism I feel like I would have to give up some of the things I enjoy or find a way to make them p.c. if I wanted to exist in the feminist world without feeling hypocritical.

For example I love Jean Kilbourne’s work on the image of women in advertising. When I was a young college student it completely opened a different world to me where I could consciously examine the messages advertisements were trying to give me about being a woman. I feel I have more power and more control after Jean Kilbourne’s contribution to my understanding of womanhood. However, this new knowledge often brings on feelings of guilt. The guilt comes with my own desires to want “perfect” thighs, “healthy” hair, and the newest fashion items of the season.

This makes me feel like the bad feminist; the one who should know better than to fall into the traps of wondering about the trendiness of my pubic hair. I am on the quest to find balance because I know I need to live in a world where I can accentuate my own personal femaleness and demand for my equality without feeling guilty.  I want to be sexed up when I feel like being sexed up.  I do not want my intellect to be taken away or doubted because I have chosen to catwalk down my hallway with some stilettos.  I want to move freely between sweaty running, gardening crunchy, Martha Stewart, hot tamale, feminist, and so on.  Someday I will get their without my own judgment or guilt; emancipation will be achieved.




P.S. I am sorry I missed St. Patrick's Day.  I thought very hard about my booby trap and after a google search decided that I just did not have time for crazy rainbow and clover coloring to attract and capture my leprechaun.  I have accepted the consequences and know that my jar of pennies will just have to suffice for this year.