Hillbilly pranks

I don’t know why people think April Fool’s Day sucks. It is the only day of the year where you get to be really mean, slightly evil, and conniving without any sort of punishment as long as you eventually tag on the “April Fools!” I tried to come up with something to fool my boy toy. Sadly, I think we burnt them all up when we were first dating in our attempts to flirt. All of these pranks ended horribly.

Example One: My friend and I tied a doe (that’s a girl deer) decoy to the top of Mike’s jeep during hunting season. I’m not a complete hick though because I didn’t know it was currently the hunting season for the bucks not the does. Oops.

Example Two: You know by now that I love animals a little too much. I still eat them, but I avoid placing faces on what I am eating. Once, I thought Mike was duck hunting alone with someone else’s truck. Again, my friend and I thought it would be funny to put trash all over the truck and a big sign that said “DUCK KILLER” on the windshield. Of course he was not alone and the truck belonged to his step-dad. Oops. Later that week I got drunk and had a lovely episode of sitting in a bath tub crying because I knew Mike’s parents would hate me. I was officially the bad news girl.

Example Three: Mike walked my mesmerized self out to my car when it was time for me to venture home. I am sure we just ended one of our first hot make-out sessions so I was completely off in my own world trying to stay super cool. I sat down in my car and Mike was laughing and laughing. I was still trying to be cool. Finally, Mike had to point out what he did. He placed a dead duck (Damn duck killer!) on my front seat and I was sitting right on it completely unaware with all my concentration on coolness. Mike was amazed that I could not feel his duck. I interpreted this as he did not like my Beyonce booty.

Lesson: Pranks are meant to be on April 1st and are not good methods for flirtation any time of year.